Dreams of a Yesteryear
by Siverfanweedo
Summary: How long has it been since that day? A year maybe more, but even still I am haunted by you. Kagerou project/ mekakucity Actors' au slightly ooc Hibiya centric, trigger warnings, PTSD, mentions of child abuse and others. If I am adding any triggers they will be listed in the chapter start.
1. A window that's a little to high up

**Dreams of a yesteryear **

**A/N **

**This is an au fanfic where none of the characters get their eye powers. I am not using all the characters either, reasons, well I didn't want to write a character then never use them. As mentioned in the summary this fanfic will deal with heavy topics. I do not plan on making fun or taking any of these lightly as a person that understands a lot of this (not dealing with it on my own) but even still please enjoy **

**Yesteryear: last year or the recent past **

I stepped back after I heard the sound. The dull thud as it hit you, followed by the metallic sent of your blood. I tried so hard to breathe, to get some air in to my lungs. I was shocked I felt as if I could not move. I cried that was about all I could do. I couldn't even say you're name. How long has it been?

As I jolted awake I gripped at my chest trying my best to breathe normally. I had no idea how long it took me to calm down and regain my normal breathing pattern. I leaned back in my bed. 'What time is it' I thought to myself. I looked around my room.

My room was small, to the left was my twin sized bed. Across the room against the right wall and beside my closet was a small dress, and above that dresser was window.

A window that was a little bit too high up. I could never understand that window. Why did the window have to be this way? Why couldn't the window be normal like all the other windows?

Because of the amount of light coming from the window that was a little too high up I guessed it was some time passed 10. I sighed, great, she'll be here soon. It's not that I hated her but she annoyed me. We annoyed each other, yet I wonder where I'd be without her.

I pulled my blanket over my shoulder. I just wanted to sleep, I knew it wouldn't happen but I could at least try. I had started to doze off a little before there was a knock at my door.

The before mentioned knocked had startled me enough to get to me jump, and hit my head on the wall my bed was against. The door opened slowly at first, only to be swung open after

"Hibiya, are you okay?"

The familiar voice of Momo Kisaragi asked.

I groaned as a general reply. I wanted to snap back at her but I didn't have the energy also it was not really her fault. I mean, how she could have known that I was in a point of consciences were a knock at my door would cause me to give myself a concussion.

I heard her move and could only assume she was coming toward my bed, where I was stilling laying there under my blankets clutching at my currently aching head.

A way to start a horrible day I think to myself.

"Hibiya I-

"I'm fine!" I cut her off

Momo didn't seem all to convinced, but she dropped the topic. "Lunch is almost ready" She told me.

"What?" I asked slightly confused

"It's almost 12" Momo informed me

12, I think I really did sleep in that much. "Come on" Momo called breaking me away from my thoughts. Why do people always have to do this? Why can't people just let me think?

Without saying a word I jumped off my bed. Not really it was more I rolled off on my back letting my feet slam on to the floor, which was cold. Despite it being almost 12. I think it was a curse that everything outside your bed is just cold for the first 30 minutes.

Momo lead me to the table, which was much unneeded. I didn't need to be shown to the table. I knew where the table was, it was the same place the table has always been.

"Kisaragi you managed to get Hibiya out of bed" Kido said when she noticed us. Momo nodded happily and sat down on the couch. I remained in the hall for a moment, my arms crossed.

"Are you just going to stand there all day?" Kido asked. I shook my head and sat down at the table, which was where it has always been.

I bet everyone was starting to get annoyed at my behavior, heck so I was I but I couldn't help it. I hurt so much; Not physical pain, emotional pain. Now a day's just getting out of bed was hard.

How long ago I can't remember, I watched the girl of my dreams die. Sure you can say 'you're only a kid, and have yet to live. You'll find love again.' Sure I have a lot of life left. She was also a kid and now because of some dumb ass driver she is dead. So tell me I have a life to live.

You're just adding insult to injury.

That's why I am here.

It's a sort of group housing plan. There is not constant super vision from the workers or head (the person that makes sure we have everything we need) so we have a lot of freedoms. And it's seemed to work. There are 3 others here.

Kido, who's family died when she was very young now a days she is like the mother of the house. Making sure we eat and everything. she tries hard and works hard. She's nice

Seto, his parents were too busy to take care of him. He never had many friends aside from a stray dog. One day some jerks threw the dog in the river and he went after it almost dying himself. He was moved in to the programme shortly after. He's really kind. I could only guess it's because of his past.

Kano, his mother was horribly abusive to him. He took it all. He felt it was his fault. He says he doesn't know what happened to his dad. One day some guys broke in to his house and killed his mom Kano also got hurt.

The three ended up here. There used to be another girl as well. She wasn't a part of the programme but was close to it. She was there sister. She loved them and they loved her. She killed herself two years ago.

We don't talk about it too much. It makes things more depressing then they already are.

I'm here because my parents couldn't handle it anymore. The sessions with therapists the medications I'd get put on only to be pulled off, as well as my almost constant nightmares. They couldn't handle me. They were having a hard time working and making money, so they didn't have the money to support my needs. They sent me here saying they loved me. I felt betrayed at first. My parents got rid of me. I felt more alone then ever back then. But Momo came around and even though I think she is the worst person ever. She made me feel less alone in this place. I'd never tell her that!

It wasn't long until Kido had finished making lunch. She normally makes healthy food but today she had made fries and ham burgers. I haven't had something like this in a while, yet I felt I wouldn't enjoy it that much.

"Seto, Kano" Kido called to the other boys putting their plates down on the table where they usually sit. Kano was currently playing a game while Seto watched. Kano paused the game throwing the controller down, he flinched when it hit the floor. "Sorry" Kano replied calming.

The boys joined us at the table. I didn't pay much attention to the lunch time conversations. Not that they ever cornered me. So I remind silent and ate my lunch.

"Hibiya" Momo said my name her voiced raised. I looked to her.

"Remember we had plans to do some shopping today" Momo told me. I tensed up.

Of course I forgot about them I never agreed to them you are making me go along with you. I wanted to shout but didn't. I sighed slightly. Shaking my head, "no I didn't forget"

Once lunch was done I went to my room to get dressed. And as soon as I had my shoes on, Momo grabbed my arm threw the door open yelled "we'll be back later" and pull me out the door.

**Final thoughts!**

**I put so much work in to this first page! **

**Sorry about everyone being ooc like that i am trying my best to understand these characters. Also my humor doesn't match with Hibiya's. **

**It was hard for me to not write 'It also seems Seto and Kido have a thing for each other but no one will say anything we want them to get it on their own' XD I ship them so much **

**Anyway again thank you and special thanks to my progress readers**

**ShotaArmin Arlert- who was also my editor **

**Lordvalsass- Who kept reading a lot and believes this fanfic is great **

**Truck-sama (puttthattruckbackwhereitcamefrom) Who also dealt with me **

**Cooldog117- My real life friend that also listened to me ramble about that window **

**And lastly Knives-student-of-evil-academy **

**You 5 are all great friends and I have no idea where if I would have got this fanfic done without you. ^w^ **

**Until next time! **


	2. Crossing

Dreams of a yesteryear page 2

**So after I started this page I realized I saved it wrong so I had to restart. I feel like maybe my story also sucks but people told me it's a good. I'll see what happens**

**So this page got some revisiting prior to writing. It was going to be a lot worse but I toned it down a lot. When I started writing this I was in a bad mood. Really hope this don't take too long. Half way through I switch the POV of no one. I wanted to have that part as its own chapter but if I did that this one wouldn't be long enough **

**I also make updates about this fanfic on my tumblr account which has the same name as my pen name **

**Shout outs at the end. People who write reviews for this story will get a shout out at the end. Also the reviews keep me writing.**

I followed Momo as she forcefully pulled me behind her. It might not look like it but she is horribly strong.

"w-wait" I say as I pull my arm away from her. Once I break free I stumble back. Momo looks back at me only a little worried. I rub my wrist. "Jeez" I grumble.

"Sorry about that" She said before she turned and started walking again. I waited a few seconds before I ran to her side.

"What are we even doing" I ask

She shrugs. "Some shopping"

I don't say anything, only because I could not think of anything to say.

As we walked, things started to seem unsettlingly familiar. "h-hey oba-san" I say my voice shaking horrible. She turns to me.

"IS something wrong" she sounds concerned.

"I-"I stop "N-nothing" I decide it was best to not bring it up. I just had to keep calm.

"Are you sure?"

I nod.

Momo and I stopped in front of a cross walk. Then it hit me. (no pun intended) this is where she died. I felt a panic growing in my chest. All I could remember was her dead body. I start moving back a bit. Momo must have noticed this because she grabbed my hand. 

"You're really not okay, are you Hibiya"

"This is where it happened" I managed to say. I tightened my grip on her hand as I felt my panic grow. Was I having a panic attack? I was it was horrible I didn't know what to do and that made me feel worse. I felt like I was going to vomit.

"Hibiya" Momo said is a soft tone. "If you want, we can head back home"

I wanted to say yes but I didn't feel that would be right. "n-no" I could barely speak. Momo didn't seem convinced and started walking back the way we came. I didn't fight. I truly did want to go back.

"I'm sorry" Momo mumbled under her breath. I didn't reply it wasn't her fault it all happened.

It was more or less my own fault for allowing me to get to this point in my life. I was not even living it anymore I was just doing life. It was a game or something.

Even by time we reached home I had not calmed down. "We're back" Momo replied trying to sound cheerful despite everything. I ruined her day. I thought to myself which only made me feel worse.  
"You weren't gone long" Kido said from the living room. "Did something happen"

I walked in to the living room and sat down in my favourite chair pulling knees to my chest. I nod. "ya stuff happened."

Kido looked over to Momo I guess she was looking for a better explanation.

"It's my fault" I added. "I –"I didn't even want to go on. I also wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want them to know I had a panic attack. I didn't want them to tell anyone I didn't want to see more counselors and therapist. I didn't want more tests or drugs. I didn't want to be removed.

And, thinking about this only lead to my currently subsiding panic attack to grow worse.

"You need to calm down Hibiya" Kido spoke. I looked to her.

"I'm trying" I reply a bit louder and more hostile then intended.

The room became silent, horribly silent. It was unsettling. 

"I'm sorry" I say as I stand up and leave the room. I go back to my bed room. Once I get there I sit on my bed and rest my back on the way. I look at the window.

"Why can't you be like other windows" I ask it. It won't reply it's just a window. A window that's a little too high up.

**Sorry this chapter is so short. It was going to be longer but I decided to make the second half its own chapter**

**Only shot out is to **

**Puttthattruckbackwhereitcomefrom for encouraging me to write more **


	3. A story from a different view

**Dreams of a yesteryear 3**

**This chapter is not in anyone's POV and it won't be in the same first person like the last two chapters. I was going to add this to the other page but didn't want to confuse people nor did I want to add a ~pov~ change in the fic that would look tacky! **

**This chapter in centric around the trio as well as Momo. Writing characters outside hibi should be fun.**

**One other thing tumblr (or at least my anons and maybe some followers' idk) have decided that Siver, my muse, is the truck driver. This bit is pointless but ya.**

**As usually shout outs at the end if you review this story you'll get a shout out as well. **

Hibiya left the living room heading to his own room, and the sound of his closing door signified that.

Kido sighed and pinched bridge of her nose. This wasn't too common for the kid. Even if Hibiya was upset he'd just keep to himself. Much like he is doing now but in a less aggressive manner. Kido tried to not take in personally. She knew something was wrong. She looked at Momo, who must have noticed this because she seemed even more focused on the ground then she did before.

"What happened?" Kido asked in a stern tone wanting answers.

"I don't really know." Momo began looking up "Hibiya started freaking out, I think he was having a panic attack or something but I can't be sure"

Kido nodded finally realizing the situation. "We'll let him calm down a little" she told everyone. Not receiving too much of an answers she guessed everyone understood. Not that they would go and talk to Hibiya when he was this way any way. He made it clear when he first joined that he liked his alone time.

Kido quickly became lost in her thoughts as she remembers the first time the young boy joined the house almost 9 months ago. He was in a lot of despair. It took a while for the boy to grow close to anyone and even know he still felt sort of distance.

"-do" Kido was pulled away from her thoughts. She looked to Seto who was currently trying to get her attention.

"Sorry, Seto what were you saying?" Kido asked she felt a little bad for ignoring him like that.

He just smiled and replied. "It's getting late what are we going to do for dinner?"

Kido hadn't thought about dinner she tried to remember what they had in the fridge.

It had been a while since they went out shopping, what they had for lunch was something she got Seto to pick up before she started cooking today. Which meant there was a very small chance they had anything to, really make for dinner.

"I think we'll just order pizza" She said.

"Sorry guys my mom just texted me I have to go" Momo said as she shoved her phone in to her pocket. As she was about to leave she stopped.

"You guys forget to tell Hibiya about tomorrow" Momo told them

Kido swore under her breath. "We'll tell him later" She told Momo.

Momo smiled "Okay, well see ya" she said as she left careful not to let the door slam.

Kano looked up from his PlayStation VITA that he had been playing for the duration of the day. "Do you guys think Hibiya will be happy with someone else moving in" he asked.

Kido and Seto looked at each other then back to Kano. It was a good question.

"We can't be sure till we tell him" Seto said. Kido nodded.

"We'll I'm going to order the pizza now." Kido said not even having to ask what kind to get. They'd get there normal ordered.

"I'll tell Hibiya" Seto said standing up.

He walked down the hall to the younger boy's room. He knocked on the door a few times receiving no response. Seto opened the door and looked in to see Hibiya sitting upright fast asleep with his phone clutched in his hands. A small smile crossed Seto's face. Hibiya seemed peaceful; he knew that kid had a hard time sleeping due to nightmares. Seto never knew what he was like after he had awoken from them since he was a heavy sleeper. Seto walked over to Hibiya and carefully laid him down and tucked the blankets around Hibiya's small body. He grabbed the phone and noticed it was still on.

The screen displayed a picture of Hibiya and a girl that looked about his age. Seto realized this picture must have been taken a year ago. He felt really sad looking at it. Hibiya really cared for this girl and due to a curl twist in fate she ended up dead. Seto turned the phone off and placed it by Hibiya on the bed. He thought it was best to let the younger boy sleep.

As Seto turned to leave the room he noticed the window. He heard the boy talk about it with Momo before. Hibiya hated how the window was way too high up. Seto knew that below the window was a busy street one that died down by the night. Why would Hibiya even care about the window being too high up when no one else did? Seto thought it was pretty interesting how high that window was. He also realized thinking about the window would get him no were, and felt it best to let the window be a little bit too high up.

Soundlessly Seto left Hibiya's room. He carefully closed the door and walked to the living room to rejoin Kano and Kido. Once there he sat back down in the same seat he was sitting before.

"Where's the kid?" Kano asked not looking up from the game. Seto wondered how Kano even noticed him enter the room.

"Sleeping" Seto replied.

"Just let him sleep" Kido replied.

It's not that any of them really had any intensions of waking the kid up; Just as Seto was happy about Hibiya being able to rest like, that so where Kido and Kano.

It wasn't much longer until the pizza that they had order got to the place that they called home.

Before the men even came to the door Kido was ready to get it. She paid for it thanked the man and brought the food inside.

"One of us should probably let Hibiya know dinner is ready" Seto said. Kido nodded. 

"I'll do it" Kido said as she started walking toward the younger boy's room. Once there she knocked on the door. Then opened it

"Hey Hibiya, dinner's ready if you're hungry"

Hibiya didn't stir from his slumber. Most of the time Kido would have just woke him up but not today she felt it was just best to let the younger boy sleep.

**+++++++++++++ Final thoughts **

**This chapter was so fun to write! The next chapter is back to hibiya 3**

**Anyway I have about 5 more chapters planned out for this, including an epilogue!**

**And pretty soon a knew character will be added can you guess who it is ^W^ **

**And one other thing! I hope to start a new fanfic when I am done thins one **

**Shout outs **

**Armin- A progress reader and my returning editor!**

**Lordvalsass- Progress reader **

**And Truck-sama- progress reader**

**Remember if you leave a review I'll give you a final shout out! **


	4. utterance of a name

Dreams of a yesteryear page 4

**Wow page 4 already! I forgot to add in the last page just how happy I am for the anime. The changes are pretty nice if you ask me…so far I can't wait to see how it goes. I am also happy to say this is my longest fanfic **

**Over 3,000 words and 11 document pages!**

**We are also back to hibiya's pov :3 **

**Shout outs at the end! **

The next morning I woke up with a horrible head ache. I debated whether or not about getting out of bed. Knowing Kido would want me awake I sat up. Then it hit me.

I didn't remember getting in to bed.

After I closed the door to my room I sat down on my bed. My heart was racing, my head was racing. I felt confused, I felt sick. It was one of the moments similar to the one where I lost her. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and pulled out her picture, our picture. I stared at it for hours.

I miss her

I miss her smile

I miss her voice

I miss her sent.

I must have fallen asleep while looking at her. I guessed one of the other came in my room to check on me. I found myself again wondering where I would be without them.

My stomach growled which made me realise how hungry I was. I didn't eat dinner that day before and when I looked at the time on my phone it was around 24 hours since I last ate. So yeah, I was horribly hungry. I got myself out of bed again and on my way to the door I glanced at the window that was too high up.

I still hate that window.

I walked in to the living room.

The television was on playing the news. Kano and Seto where deep in conversation, while Kido was messing around on her iPod.

"Morning" I said getting their attention

"Morning" Kano replied. "You know you spelt in again"

Of course I knew. "Yea" I said as I went to the kitchen to get myself something to eat. I realized there was a slim chance we had anything fancy.

I grabbed the box of life cereal and a bowl and just had myself that for breakfast.

"Hibiya" Kido said from behind me "when you're done eating put the bowl in the skin and clean yourself up the head in coming in later with a new person"

"New, person?"

"Yes. we didn't tell you yesterday we never had a chance. The head should be around by 3" Kido replied. 

"Do we know anything?" I ended up asking.

"A boy older than most of us" Kido replied. "That's all. The head tries his best to keep it secret" Of course it was the same before I joined. They three that were here now where only giving my age and gender when I joined they learned why I was around and my name.

Kido placed her hand on my back "you need to get ready now" She told me as she then grabbed my empty bowl and took in to the kitchen. 

I nodded as I left the table to get ready. I figured it was best if I took a shower as well since I didn't yesterday. I went in to my room and grabbed the clothing I as planning on wearing today. After I left I stopped, and grabbed a towel from the closet that they were kept in. From there I went in to the wash room and had a shower.

Once I was done getting ready I walked back in to the living room. It was almost 3.

I joined Kido and Seto on the couch.

"You ready?" Seto asked. I nodded

"Guess so"

It wasn't much longer till there was a knock at the door. The door then opened after that meaning it was the head. (The head can be anyone. It can be you, maybe the Kool-Aid guy anyone) He entered the house followed by a tall boy with white hair and pink eyes.

"This is Konoha" The head told us.

Konoha's story seemed pretty simple. He's 19 years old, adopted and was suffering from memory lose. His family thought the group home would be good for him. I can't really agree with his family but okay. Maybe this group housing programme would be good for a kid with memory loss.

Konoha himself was different as one would except someone with memory lose to be. He was quiet and seemed mostly lost.

"Konoha, why don't you tell the others about yourself" The head said motioning to the four of us.

Konoha nodded "…um…I like barbecue*…um" Konoha then seemed to be at a loss of ideas. Not words…ideas.

The head gave Konoha a nice pat on the back and looked to us and smiled. "You guys get along. Don't forget to tell Konoha about yourselves" Soon the head left

The small house that was just us four kids now grew; it is now a small house with 5 kids.

Kido whose house burnt down, Seto who was neglected, Kano who was abused, myself who is broken and Konoha who is lost.

It was now a house of 5 kids. Kids that are so the same yet so different.

Then it hit me. (Things hit me a lot) I knew Konoha. She knew Konoha. I stood up and got ready to leave but Kido grabbed my arm.

"Let go" I said as I tried to free my arm. 

"You're not leaving" She said only to add "And quite moving around like that I don't want to hurt you"

I stopped, I have no idea why I decide to give up the fight but I just did, maybe because I didn't want to break my arm. But I stopped. "Sorry" I said mostly to myself

Kido let my arm go and I rubbed it.

"Do you remember her" I asked Konoha. He nodded. "Why do you remember her?"

"….Because, she was special" he replied.

"…she loved you" I whispered. No one seemed to hear. That was good. I didn't want them to hear. Or maybe I did. I can't be sure.

"Do you miss her?"

"Yes"

"why"

No reply

"Don't you feel bad that she is dead?!" I ended up yelling

"…of course" Konoha replied. There was a bit of guilt in his almost emotionless voice. I turned and looked at him. I wanted to say something but before I could Kano ended up butting in. 

"Don't mind Hibiya" he said is his normal cocky tone and he stood up and walked over to Konoha.

"He doesn't really mean anything he says."

"Shut up Kano you don't know anything" I said that and left.

Maybe I didn't mean anything I said. But that didn't matter because I said it. I had to own up to some part of it.

I sat down on my bed and pulled out my phone. I guess I got a text message from Momo at some point

Momo: How do you like the new guy?

Hibiya: I don't

Momo: y

Hibiya: Konoha. (His name) is someone I knew before. He knew her

Momo: You know not saying Hiyori can't be healthy . But why is it bad that he knew her.

Hibiya: shut up I'd rather not say her name, idk it just pisses me off okay

Momo: hey hibiya you need to calm down.

Hibiya: shut up!

I threw my phone to the ground and lied down in my bed. I felt empty.

Hiyori I really miss hearing her name. I miss saying her name. The last time I said it was when I held out my hand to pull her back. I only watched after that as she ran out on the street as the truck it her.

'Hiyori' I whisper in to my pillow. 'Hiyori, I am sorry'

I spent a fair amount of time staring at my wall. I realized that maybe I was acting like a child. No I was acting like a child. I grabbed my phone and quickly texted Momo

Hibiya: sorry.

I shoved my phone in to my pocket and ran in to the living room, slipping on my way there.

I walked over to Konoha and took a deep breath and said "I'm sorry"

**It said that on the wiki I wasn't sure how to spell the word of what we call it. **

**Anyway yes I added Konoha; I was going to add him in the next page but this one would have been too short. **

**I think the climax of the story was in this part. I am not sure**

**Also Hibiya is starting to smarten up his ass. This is so horrible ooc *cries!***

**The Next chapter will be the wrap up and I plan on making two chapters after that **

**An epilogue (that shall be name 'after it all') **

**And a prologue (that shall be named 'before it all')**

**Shout outs. **

**jelly filled doughnut king: my editor**

**I didn't get to many other people on the progress read this time. Since I sort of powered this off really fast. **

**Also I am planning my next fanfic already. It will be Momohibi **

**Sorry I just…ship it **


End file.
